those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I am available for nakedness
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
