how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
