He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
