I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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