i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It was like getting head from an anaconda
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
