Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
