I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
