You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
this hospital has no fireball
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
