He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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