If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
