Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
