On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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