we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
This is classic penis vs brain.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
