I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
