I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
