every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
