Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
