I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
