i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
