I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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