I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
