You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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