she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Even my vagina gasped.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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