Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
