just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
