I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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