She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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