I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
