You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
they need to just BURY HIM!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
