Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
