I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
