I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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