Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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