If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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