ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
nutella sex= disaster
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
