Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
