his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize