Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I can't turn off my feet"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
