"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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