grandma shit on top of the toilet
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
