Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize