You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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