are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
40s are totally the cure
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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