420 ftw
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
