OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
