Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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