So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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