hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize