girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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