So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
