Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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