I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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