I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
