Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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