I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
