I met the friendliest cop last night
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize