Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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