remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he puts the penis in happiness.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
