.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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