There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
