i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
