I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
