I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You brought string cheese to the strip club
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
