Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
sarcasm needs its own font
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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