Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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