I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I need a burrito and a hug.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
