we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
