My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
