I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
