He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Watching her eat just hurts me
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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